know that I do not like to talk about topics "psi" as they would talk a book or a manual, so I could describe the theories attachment, childhood trauma, self-esteem theories cite or more ... but to me it is better to give freedom to the fingers that run faster on this keyboard and let the experience speak, pet stories, cut out and spread stories of emotions, because this is unfounded and the life ...
difficult subject of addiction.
Whether a person, a substance, food, by conduct, by all that you can not do without ...
E 'state of mind complicated and chaotic, heartbreaking at times, full of guilt, most often, which was consolidated as a persistent habit to get hurt.
" I would, but I can not ... "barely whispered, broken by sobs or shouted out loud, is the phrase most successful in these cases.
I quit, I would leave it, I would change, I wish, I wish, I wish ... is the conditional that we care, because in the here and now, I'm actually saying "I can not."
It's funny how dependent the verb, which in itself induces a sense of imprisonment and chains, viri meaning when used in a impersonal response, opening up many possibilities. I depend on someone or something. I want to quit? It depends.
So the question is: what we want? Or is such a strong bond with this thing that is able to satisfy the needs - that maybe I do not know myself - which automatically lead me to persevere?
What happens within me the idea that this thing is over? What poisonous emotions and feelings aroused in me?
Fear.
Fear of not succeeding, of not being up, not being able to show the world that is wrong, to change those certainties that make me wrong though feel integrated in some way ...
Shame.
shame to recognize that maybe they were right, I have a problem and did not want to admit it, to see that I'm telling lies for too long (or tell me I made a fool of myself ...), for complying, fragile, helpless ...
pain.
pain to go through a loss, a grieving process, dealing with episodes of my life that led me to be who I am, I failed to recognize that ...
Anger.
Anger at those who do not or not there was, for those who were there and hurt me, for I fear that those who forsake me if only I expose my reasons ...
fault.
blame to those who stood by me and continued to warn of danger to myself, for not having loved her more, to others, for failing to give them what they needed or bullied them together my inability to push through ...
And then? Then, after giving the bottom of all this?
provided that we are able to boldly fling his soul out dangerous content ... What I have left?
There is a vacuum. Nothing. The abyss.
Without that person, that substance, that behavior ... I am nothing.
Here is the bottom of the whole question.
is the anxiety that keeps me from being reborn.
is the limit, the barbed wire that marks the border with my joy.
I do not know myself I'm holding the pliers to break the network that imprisons me.
I do not know that I can already use them.
I do not know unfounded, are free.
Free.
I do not feel so long. Perhaps they have ever been.
Free.
has a strange effect: it is a tingling under the skin, the urge to scream, a rush to the fields, the tears that pressed to see the light.
In fact, it's not so dark and empty out here.
And I'm not as bad as I thought.
I simply am.
fact.
I, I have the right to be.
I can.
I will.
Can I choose.
And this is the new beginning, everything to discover.
virginia
ps. Thanks to the people who I accompanied on their journey of rebirth, not revealed their souls, these lines could not have existed.
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