" Ask yourself if you experience these feelings: dissatisfaction, inadequacy, depression, obsessiveness, complaints, claims, accusations, fear, anxiety. If you have it, you're a neurotic 'baby'. Do not shoot right away. Wait. Your case may be tragic but not hopeless. Write me. Let's see what we can do. "
Thus Jacob Julius Caesar introduced his book ( " Cuddles In Search of Lost. A revolutionary psychology for the singles and the pair " . Milano, Ponte alle Grazie - 2004) on the back cover, with the style that characterizes it ironic and insightful, managing to convey important content in a light and a bit 'challenging, to put the reader to question and reflect.
He himself admits that this text as well as being a scientific treatise, based on a clinical practice for over ten years, wants to be a popular handbook of evolutionary psychology, and aimed at all (" is more advantageous for ' humanity that a book is read by thousands of ordinary people from two specialists ).
We all have many personalities that are activated under different environmental conditions: in this sense, personality is a self-image that directs our behavior to be put in place efficient adaptive responses to the environment.
However, there are three very "natural" common to all, or that of CHILD, the adult and the parent, which should succession spontaneously during the normal biological and psychological development. Looking at the animals there is a natural evolution from the state of puppy to adult and then as a parent, but once his obligations with regard to such states are reached, are interchangeable depending on the situation: if an adult is in the game situation repeats its patterns of behavior of the puppy, or in danger, is capable of protection (parent) to the weakest.
In the human personality, the three do not have a natural spontaneous evolution, but are influenced dall'affettività, introduced into the human psyche through the development of cerebral neocortex. This means that in addition to the behaviors and modes of social relationship take over a third variable is the ratio of pampering:
Thus Jacob Julius Caesar introduced his book ( " Cuddles In Search of Lost. A revolutionary psychology for the singles and the pair " . Milano, Ponte alle Grazie - 2004) on the back cover, with the style that characterizes it ironic and insightful, managing to convey important content in a light and a bit 'challenging, to put the reader to question and reflect.
He himself admits that this text as well as being a scientific treatise, based on a clinical practice for over ten years, wants to be a popular handbook of evolutionary psychology, and aimed at all (" is more advantageous for ' humanity that a book is read by thousands of ordinary people from two specialists ).
We all have many personalities that are activated under different environmental conditions: in this sense, personality is a self-image that directs our behavior to be put in place efficient adaptive responses to the environment.
However, there are three very "natural" common to all, or that of CHILD, the adult and the parent, which should succession spontaneously during the normal biological and psychological development. Looking at the animals there is a natural evolution from the state of puppy to adult and then as a parent, but once his obligations with regard to such states are reached, are interchangeable depending on the situation: if an adult is in the game situation repeats its patterns of behavior of the puppy, or in danger, is capable of protection (parent) to the weakest.
In the human personality, the three do not have a natural spontaneous evolution, but are influenced dall'affettività, introduced into the human psyche through the development of cerebral neocortex. This means that in addition to the behaviors and modes of social relationship take over a third variable is the ratio of pampering:
the child always needs someone's face cuddles cuddles adult you alone and does not need anyone's parent is the only one capable of doing other pampering
The child is like an empty vessel of liquid love to be filled at least enough to love himself, or to become an adult. The adult is in fact a jar filled for most of the liquid of love. But if we love each other we can not help but to love others and then we become parents: the parent is a vase overflowing with love, but not only for his children, the real parent's love for all, without exception.
Each of the three personality has negative and positive aspects. The child , Not being able to dominate the environment, lives as a fundamental condition of fear and demands absolute dedication and exclusive (jealousy is a disease of childhood). At the same time is able to submit, to apologize and help and is able to play.
L ' adult dominates his area and the basic condition in which he lives is that of freedom: he does not depend on anyone, do not need the approval of others and has an unlimited self-esteem. Accept reality as it suits you ... and never asks for, gets what he wants. The adult is capable of friendship, as a relationship based on pleasure and not on need, then equal. Despite this description of perfect efficiency,
Each of the three personality has negative and positive aspects. The child , Not being able to dominate the environment, lives as a fundamental condition of fear and demands absolute dedication and exclusive (jealousy is a disease of childhood). At the same time is able to submit, to apologize and help and is able to play.
L ' adult dominates his area and the basic condition in which he lives is that of freedom: he does not depend on anyone, do not need the approval of others and has an unlimited self-esteem. Accept reality as it suits you ... and never asks for, gets what he wants. The adult is capable of friendship, as a relationship based on pleasure and not on need, then equal. Despite this description of perfect efficiency,
the adult, as the shark, has major flaws, from the point of view of social life: it is not capable of submission, can not play and does not help you even if you are sinking in quicksand, unless you have a personal gain.
The parent is able to devote himself to others, because they are no longer afraid: he loves, in the sense that it could accept, respect and compassion for all, and this love is for him a source of pleasure, he does feel stronger, higher.
Apparently the parent has no downside, except that the real parent is someone who is parent to all and not only to their children and, unfortunately, the parents of this nature are very few ( just go to a game of football where the "parents" just cheering for their children )
While the girl personality structure spontaneously at birth, adulthood, and parents need to narrow places: the affection of a figure reference, a behavioral model of reference and be in the actual state of existence (in the solitude transition to adult and dedication and protection in step a parent). The succession of personalities in the process of psychological growth is sequential and unidirectional: you can not be parents first if you have not grown up. Neurosis originates in this: the inability to activate the natural personality suited to the environmental situation. This failure can occur in two ways:
Apparently the parent has no downside, except that the real parent is someone who is parent to all and not only to their children and, unfortunately, the parents of this nature are very few ( just go to a game of football where the "parents" just cheering for their children )
While the girl personality structure spontaneously at birth, adulthood, and parents need to narrow places: the affection of a figure reference, a behavioral model of reference and be in the actual state of existence (in the solitude transition to adult and dedication and protection in step a parent). The succession of personalities in the process of psychological growth is sequential and unidirectional: you can not be parents first if you have not grown up. Neurosis originates in this: the inability to activate the natural personality suited to the environmental situation. This failure can occur in two ways:
- non-activation of a specific personality (or inability to simple because unstructured)
- compulsion to always activate a specific personality (for automation or no structuring of the other persons above).
The most common is infantile neurosis which manifests itself as forced child's personality, constantly seeking attention, aid, protection, affection, devotion, love of others. The 'neurotic child' claim to be loved always and exclusively:
Codest beggars of affection and love in the first attack shows that a minimum of attention and willingness, if not dangerous affection, and it arbitrarily and unilaterally elect their papà o loro mamma, senza che l’altro gli abbia rilasciato alcuna autorizzazione allo sfruttamento o al possesso affettivo. “Innamoramento” è il nome che loro danno normalmente a codesta condizione patologica.
Ma essere innamorati non è amare: è bisogno di essere amati. Da questo argomento, Giacobbe fa derivare tre leggi psicologiche:
- nessuno può pretendere di essere amato
- nessuno può possedere nessuno
- nessuno può far soffrire nessuno (la sofferenza psichica è il risultato della lettura personale degli events and situations and not a consequence of the same objective).
The neurotic child-proof so much suffering because of the creation of expectations and waste, because it is unable to dominate the environment. Just like the real baby, the reality is invaded by neurotic fears, which in his case, however, are mostly imaginary and prevent him from living comfortably on present and future: the anxiety-depressive neurosis is essentially an infantile neurosis.
The author states, however, that there is something worse than anything that the "child disguised" as an adult or parent:
The author states, however, that there is something worse than anything that the "child disguised" as an adult or parent:
if it's not a parent if it takes is an adult and if it does not take requests but only if a child has long hair ten centimeters.
The adult neurosis is almost as terrible as childish: the neurotic adult is almost incapable of being a child or parent when the situation warrants. Do not know how to live life lightly, can not play and be humble in situations that allow it, though in general the adult neurosis is more socially acceptable: not alms love, care protection, comfort and commitment. Do not piss anyone. It is his business.
But it is always of neurosis. He can not play, he can not laugh, he can not play, he can not apologize, he can not protect, no tenderness, can not be affectionate, he can not do the little darlings, not love, not human. It sucks.
The neurotic parent is a parent systematically punitive or authoritarian, which is only interested in himself, using his superior role to feed his ego. He does not give selfless love for only to be thanked, flattered, flattered and recognized as an authority or as a generous donor, it is a paternalistic parent. This does not mean that the parent should never correct or punish his children, but must do more to explain where the child was wrong and why they should not do that anymore. Proper education is that which brings the child to become capable of sinking alone all the problems of the environment, not the one that meets the needs of narcissistic self-affirmation, sadistic, punitive and repressive of the parent.
It is not the authority, which should carry the parent, which is always a form of violence, but the ' authority, that the prestige earned by their selfless love, with his experience, his wisdom and, above all, his own example.
Couples neurotic neurotic characters are those formed by the types listed above, and couples are always wrong, whatever the choice that creates them.
There is only one kind of healthy couple, that of child-adult- with parent-adult child-parent , or when all the personalities were formed spontaneously in the order psychological and natural two people can be, for each other, now children, now adults, now parents.
It is not the authority, which should carry the parent, which is always a form of violence, but the ' authority, that the prestige earned by their selfless love, with his experience, his wisdom and, above all, his own example.
Couples neurotic neurotic characters are those formed by the types listed above, and couples are always wrong, whatever the choice that creates them.
There is only one kind of healthy couple, that of child-adult- with parent-adult child-parent , or when all the personalities were formed spontaneously in the order psychological and natural two people can be, for each other, now children, now adults, now parents.
A couple that can last an eternity. It is made of two poles firmly planted in the ground, each of which can stand on its own, without the help of others. But together they make a fence that will withstand any attack, any wind any invasion. A fence that will never collapse.
virginia
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